The Narcissist

Narcissists Never Talk About What They Did To Hurt You, Only How You Reacted.

Narcissists are some of the worst people to have a conflict with because instead of working through the issues you’re both facing with one another, the narcissist closes off drastically. Instead of owning up to what they did to upset you, the narcissist will push your buttons until you explode and then act as if you reacted in an extreme manner over nothing.
Narcissists are some of the most charming people you will ever come across. Even when they’ve broken you down and made you feel like complete shit, they will come back and let this charming side shine just to get you back on their side. They will build you up just to break you down and being around them is as you’d expect it to be, quite exhausting.
These kinds of people are really good at all the games they play and boy do they love to play them. When it comes to arguing with a narcissist cutting your losses and just breaking things off is always the better option. The more you engage with them the more chances you allow them to regain control over you. 

As they open up more and more their mask comes off and you see them for who they really are which in many ways should be a serious red flag. They will lie to you over and over again and when you need them the most they will not be there. They will hurt you time and time again only to never apologize properly. The more pain they put you through the happier they will seem about it. Does that sound like something you want to experience?
They will attack you in more ways than you ever thought possible and when you’re trying your best to make things work, they will be doing the opposite. These kinds of people never feel bad when they do things that they shouldn’t, and they will play the victim over and over again for as long as you let them. 
The closer you allow narcissists in your life the more unhappy you will become. They will gaslight you and leave you questioning whether or not you’re the one causing all of these issues even though you have proof that you’re not the problem at all. You deserve better and the quicker you realize that the sooner you can work to overcome the connection you are stuck within.

There is nothing wrong with being upset over someone pushing you to your limits and trying to shove you over the edge. You are the only person in control of your life and you need to take back your happiness. To learn more about how narcissistic relationships work and why you should do your best to avoid them please check out the video below.
Your reaction was not as extreme as it was made out to be and taking the blame for something that is not your fault is not the route you want to take. While getting back to normal and cutting this narcissist off won’t be easy but you can do it. You are capable of so much more than you realize.

Deeply

No Truth Or Reasoning With A Narcissist

There are no facts, no truths, or reasoning with a Narcissist – only lies, diversions, fear of retribution, and manipulation to always serve whatever their needs are at the moment. SO, what does that mean?

THERE IS NO REAL COMMUNICATING OR A CONNECTION WITH A NARCISST.

The “Ah Ha” quiz! Do any of these statements define you, or have you experienced any of the following?

1. You always seem to feel physically tense, anxious, some aches and pains, stomach ache, fast heart rate, difficulties breathing and fatigued.

2. You never seem to know what to expect at any given moment on any given day with this PARTICULAR person. You feel like everything is about to turn upside down, even if you have a nice day planned. You just never know if some small thing is going to turn into an argument, or you will be raged at, made fun of, or silenced and punished. Your husband, wife, friend, partner, brother, sister, father or mother is seemingly caring and considerate one moment and then coldly dismisses you the next moment with no warning and no justification.

3. You have developed a severely damaged sense of self-worth and self-esteem and always seem to be second guessing yourself or your worth in every situation with this person.

4. EVERYTHING seems to have a negative spin attached to it. How you cook, how you clean, a gift you give, what you wear, your friends, your job, and your looks – everything is a TARGET FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS.

5. You have had prolonged bouts of depression and anxiety. You seem to cycle in and out of these periods of depression and anxiety and this seems to be in direct correlation with the chronological time you have spent with this person.

6. You begin to doubt your own existence and your sense of reality as if somebody has kidnapped your spirit.

7. You experience lack of sleep for prolonged periods of time.

8. You feel as if you are not a real person in your relationship, more like a pet that is trained to do tricks like jumping through hoops, etc.

9. You feel as if you are not allowed to voice your own thoughts and opinions or you will be put in your place, raged at and even punished.

10. You feel it is an enormous struggle to be heard or acknowledged as an individual.

11. You feel that every problem in your relationship is somehow your fault and you are always blamed and shamed for everything.

12. You have experience exaggerated feelings of guilt and shame.

13. You are always drawn back into trying to fix or relate to him/her even though you only experience pain/blame/shame in doing so. It becomes a vicious cycle that seems to only get worse.

14. You feel trapped as if in an impossible situation, unable to find a way out.

15. You feel as if you have to fight all the time and are worn out and exhausted or basically forced into a corner all the time.

16. You are confused constantly with racing thoughts, as if you are losing your mind trying to find some sort of peace.

17. You feel as if you are surrounded with negativity. Everything you do, everything you say is met with some sort of comment that negates you or an action you do.

18. Arguments seem to appear out of nowhere.

19. You are made to feel physically ugly and mentally unstable with words or actions from this person.

20. You feel like you are going insane, or better yet pushed to believe you are insane by actions that are not you like forgetfulness, missing items, etc.

21. You are raw with emotions none of which make any sense to you anymore – but you know this feeling all too well anymore. Your thoughts may not even be clear enough at this point to understand that something is terribly wrong with you because you are always in a fog and basically DISSABLED. You are probably thinking of ways to “fix” the relationship AGAIN. Perhaps you may know that the situation is just not right but you are even willing to “fix” him/her, but at what cost to you? You may even be getting ready to crawl back to your partner, but you know the drill so well because it is like a reoccurring dream where you are screaming and can’t be heard or trying to run and you aren’t able to move.

The perceptions of the Narcissist are truly their reality. If you look back you have never been able to change or influence their perceptions because they got louder and completely ignored your every word to the contrary concerning any of their delusional outbursts – especially if it concerned their own accountability. If you couldn’t effect change living in a close relationship with them, then don’t waste your time and effort ever trying AGAIN. They live in their own world and no matter how false or unreal it appears to you, for them it is reality because it has to be for them to survive among us. As soon as a Narcissist begins to perceive that you have a voice of your own and a right to existence, the trouble starts and then there is no return because there is no possibility of two way communication with them and the more you push your individualism forward the more resistance from the Narcissist. Their façade is impenetrable and has to be or they would self-destruct if people knew the truth.

A little further with an explanation and the WHY. Lets use the example of a simple question concerning accountability, and it turning into a target/victim being told they are mentally ill, obsessed, confused, lying, jealous, etc.? Because we uncovered the truth about something or other and that exposes the Narcissist as the disordered and pathological creature they are, and they HAVE to protect just how disordered their life is. It is all about making that façade impenetrable!

It seriously wounds them when they are exposed even in the SLIGHTEST manner and they will RAGE or lash out to defend themselves as well as continually manipulate us AWAY from the truth about them. It would cause them great damage both personally as well as describe them as the deviant of society they are. Again, do they know this? They must because they go through great pain (usually our pain) to cover up the truth and turn the blame back onto us as if we are the abusers to keep up that façade.

When communicating, discussing, debating, or arguing with a narcissist, a target/victim usually finds themselves at a COMPLETE dead-end. The target/victim’s logic always becomes incompatible with that of the Narcissist and they always get diverted and steered in the opposite direction from the original topic, especially if it is around questioning them (the Narcissist) or accountability as it concerns the Narcissist. Basically, communicating with them is like walking through a ‘House of Mirrors’ at a carnival. Every thought you express is consistently distorted in so many different ways that you don’t even recognize the original thought and it causes complete confusion– just like your image in the many mirrors that are created to distort your image and make you lose track of your original starting point and destination.

The Narcissist will throw a pathological spin onto communication to divert reality and cause chaos so it fulfills whatever the Narcissist’s agenda is at THAT very moment. This agenda is many things, but basically to secure supply, from us and from whoever else is willing to give them supply – it supports their false mask/persona with MORE alternative lies. It took me a while to understand just how this worked, as well as how my Narcissist would divert from every aspect of their life/lifestyle – everything was always a mystery as far as the past and present. Let me put it this way – everything was MEANT to be kept this way so I would never learn the truth about this Narcissist’s abusive past, out-of-control lifestyle, as well as a perverted lifestyle. Any time I would speak to this Narcissist’s mother I would find out about something that this Narcissist had lied about AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO ASK because the truth just always seemed to come out on its own. So, you can imagine just how much this Narcissist was lying, re-writing history and every other little diabolical action. I was always kept at a distance from the Narcissist’s family, but of course told that I never made an attempt to get to know them. They are shrewd characters at diversion!

Their agenda ALWAYS includes manipulating/punishing the target/victim into believing that anything bad or wrong they have been questioning concerning the Narcissist was all their imagination and basically we are confused, have issues, jealous or paranoid and this is why they have to get away from us. We stress them out AND they are concerned how WE are showing signs or issues around our INABILITY to see reality as it concerns them being saintly, moral, good, or basically perfect. Remember it is the Narcissist re-writing history and lying behind that mask, so beyond the pathological and cowardly aspect of that betrayal process, the Narcissist wants to get the most out of their manipulation skills by trying to make us believe we HAVE issues around OUR own mental stability – it’s all for the “cause” that protects their disordered and perverted lifestyle they live and we SUPPORT. SO, what does this all mean? There is no real communication with a Narcissist and where there is no communication there is never reality. There a lot of lies though and within that is where OUR vast confusion resides. That is why we MUST ‘get this’ so that we STOP believing in this Narcissist once and for all.

PTSD Symptoms

Faith & Survival

Gratitude

Narcissistic people tend to be some of the most self-absorbed human beings on the entire planet.

They demonstrate more often than not that they would rather much not be dealing with you or anyone else that tries to get in the way of their self-indulgence.

If you are dealing with a narcissist of your own, it is important that you look for these certain things that they will try to avoid in order to manipulate your relationship with them so that they get exactly what they want from you.

It’s also an important thing to keep in mind that you always have the power to just tell them no, walk away, and move on from this horrible experience of a toxic personality.

Narcissists will avoid giving you any kind of credit when it comes to you helping them out. 

Instead, they will point out all of your flaws, all of the things you should’ve done, and how you are expected to do all of this/more for them.

This is a very self-destructive behavior that a person can have simply because they will seem as if they will never be satisfied with what you give them.

If you’ve begun to notice that the person you are dealing with purposely avoids praising you for any kind of effort, you may be experiencing a toxic narcissistic person.

2. Apologies

Narcissists will never give you an apology especially if it’s something that they did.

They already know what they’ve done and they are going to refuse to acknowledge all of the consequences that follow after their cruel deeds.

If the person you are dealing with seems as if they are never going to apologize it could be because you are dealing with a toxic narcissistic person.

In their world, they are never the one who is in the wrong, only all of the other people who should’ve done things ‘differently’ so that this never even happened.

3. Attention

Narcissistic people will avoid paying any kind of attention to people they don’t care for, which is almost everyone.

If it isn’t them speaking about something they want to discuss, they simply shut out all of the other noise in the room as if no one was even there to begin with.

If the subject isn’t about them or anything that they want, then they simply claim the issue to not be any of their problem. 

Notice next time if the person you are dealing with avoids paying attention to you, you could be experiencing a narcissist.

4. Free Handouts

You will never see a narcissist giving anyone a free handout for anything. It’s pretty safe to conclude that every single narcissistic person only truly cares about themselves and their own self gain.

The idea of giving anything for free to just anyone completely disgusts them and will avoid any kind of direct confrontation when they are expected to do so.

They hate giving things away for free especially when they expect everyone else to give them free things. Look for this quality to a person, you may be dealing with a toxic narcissist.

5. Compassion/Empathy

Narcissists will never show any kind of form of compassion or empathy other than for themselves.

Unless you are giving them something that will benefit them, they will never express any kind of empathy to you at all. They expect people to give them things in exchange for their presence

Every narcissist believes that they are worth a lot more than everyone else claims to be. If you’ve noticed these aspects to someone, then you could possibly be dealing with a toxic narcissist.

Hopefully these little indications have helped you recognize when you are dealing with a narcissist of your own. 

Again, it is more than okay for you to tell them ‘no’ if they are asking or making you do something uncomfortable. Your happiness comes first above theirs.

Love and Light

Raven 🌺

The Explanation

A Strong Woman

IF