The seven faces of mental abuse
1. “Sticks and stones won’t break my bones ” and words won’t leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words. Words are used to brainwash. Being told you are stupid, ugly, lazy, or worthless is never acceptable. The first time you hear these words, it will hurt and cut you like a knife. In time you may get used to it hearing it from your partner. That’s when you start to internalize and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self worth suffer increasingly overtime. The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up, restore your confidence, and belief in yourself.
2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow whatever happens, however it starts the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behavi partner or was caused by what you said or did. In fact their argument runs along the lines bet you can’t possibly blame them for anything, because if you had not said what you said, or did what you did, it never would have happened.
3. Because exposure is their greatest fear they will attempt to destroy you. Truly they are a predator camouflage themselves to secure prey to devour. Assessed by virtue bullying, always regarding egarding others as inferior to them. Everyone is inferior in their eyes. How can a normal person see through their fake charm and con job? Most people are unsuspecting and are unaware of the degree to which they are being taken advantage of, used and abused. This awareness is not due to a general lack of intelligence in people, but in their tendency to project their own range of normalcy on to others. We want to trust and believe that we live in a good world. It is natural not to have the inclination to suspect someone is so profoundly abusive to be in our midst, carrying on an existence that is fundamentally and thoroughly a lie and extreme betrayal. The narcissist will take twisted delight in the knowledge that they have so many fooled. They believe that they are superior to think that lies, betrayal, manipulation and abuse are superior qualities. Most dangerous predators are those that are ingeniously disguised or “masked” to fit in and look like any other normal person, even going to the point of appearing Saint like. Narcissists know how to play the game and abuse their prey. They carefully surround themselves with those who wish to please others, who are slow to judge, who are excessively tolerant and who have an eye for the good to be found in others.
You are more inclined to believe your partner then you are to believe yourself . Have you ever seethed with anger, with a sense of hurt and injustice at the way you been treated? Have you found yourself asking ” is it normal to feel like this” ? If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting your own judgement. You’re mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions, because deep down you know that what is happening is wrong. But right now you can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.
4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologize for the hurtful things they’ve said?
Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they have caused?
Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship? When a partner constantly denies, or refuses to listen to your feelings that is unquestionably mental abuse.
They know how to exploit it to their advantage these very character traits of what is basically a good person.
Narcissists are cold blooded reptilian like creatures that use their forked tongue to test the air searching for prey to bite and inject their poison in a manner to paralyze and extract supply to feed their hungry and empty souls .They crawl on their bellies in constant search of supply, and strike at the appropriate time. Again it is necessary for the narcissist to know how to disguise this predatory characteristic. They consciously disguise themselves into being this great person, to dissemble our lives, to fulfill their every need. If we think about it, narcissists are constantly abusing targets and victims. That is why there are many people educating themselves and desperately trying to understand. Quite simply “they charm us to harm us.”
Abuse is never acceptable no matter who or what we are. It is not ever a question that we deserve to be abused and anybody that says something like this only embraces abuse themselves. We have to learn to create boundaries to protect our self, but never ever did we deserve the extreme loss at the hands of a malignant narcissist. This is the first step of recovery, educating ourselves to dispel the poison and move forward with our spirit in place.
5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care and consideration towards you. In fact some of the time maybe even a lot of the time he treats you as if you were someone he. truly dislikes. You do everything you can to make him happy but it’s never good enough. You are more like the pet dog in the relationship then you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charming, often he’s dismissive. If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love based relationship when in reality you are living in a control based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power at his partners expense.
6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he says to you. Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mental abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.
7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries against all odds to hold the relationship together and ultimately can’t do it, because their partner is working against them. Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self worth and lack of confidence caused by mental abuse it is never too late to heal. But you do need to work with a person or program specifically geared to mental abuse recovery. Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and not uncommonly take up with another abusive partner. Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process . Low self worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women for moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively just as words were once used to harm you, you can now learn how words can heal you. You can overcome past mental abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself, and create the life and relationship you truly want.